LIFE happened...

Lonely. Confused. Misunderstood. Life these days is in I-don’t-want-to-live-anymore phase. Living is but an uncalled-for burden. Things aren't literally working. I’m hating everything around. Everything. Succinctly, it’s hurting to be me. Nothing seems to heal-no music, no friends, no tears. Lost in life’s cobweb I'm struggling furiously to find my way. My writing skills are gridlocked. Words don’t come to me or rather I’m just too numb to feel and express (and I so very deprecate this fact). There are so many other things I wished I could do but I couldn't or didn't.

Though I kind of know what I do not want in life but I really don’t know what all things I actually yearn for.I even don’t know what all I can do, what I cannot. I don’t know what I deserve, what I do not. I don’t know what I should do, what I should not. Whoa , that's my present state of mind.

I hate to go to bed at night and then I hate it even more to wake up in the morning. Fake and blunt smiles outside ensconce the pain within. Folks, jokes and toasts do not please me. My quondam dreams are thrown into hell and I no more feel like fantasizing.

You ask me "What happened?"

And I reply " L.I.F.E dear...............'LIFE' happened"

Ehh??

Yeah!!

My Dream Job(s)

It all began when I was in I-D and had to write an essay on 'My Class Teacher '. Surprisingly,for the first time I got a full star on it.Since then‘Teacher-Teacher’ (and not 'Ghar-Ghar') was my favorite game and I earnestly wanted to be one. I was hell excited to write ’very poor’ in the copy of my students ,to scold them and make them stand on their bench and to take them for picnic in ‘Hathi Park’(revenge you know,revenge :P). The other reason was that I’ll get to wear my mom’s high heels, beautiful sarees and can even use her makeup kit. *wink*

But then unfortunately, in a year or two(class III or IV) my love for cakes and pastries and chocolates out weighted my earlier zest. It was when my mom denied me a pack of chocolates saying ‘Daant kharab ho jaayenge” and on the spot I decided to own a Bakery shop one day.I often pictured myself supping blackforests and temptations all day long. (Slurp! Slurp!) When I told about my 'dream project' to my uncle he explained (after LOL-ing) how I’ll be at loss and that one day I’ll run out of money to buy more stuff for my shop. The clever me had an intelligent solution to the big problem-“Papa is always there, no?”But bade log ........ bade log. He put forth “Why not do something else, earn enough money and buy yourself lavishly all what you desire?” Well, how in the world could you win an argument with a stubborn child?(I mean you don't need to study more for being a shopkeeper plus you'll get to eat so many mouth-watering things whenever desired plus you can have TV in your shop to watch Pogo all time plus you can have holidays anytime every-time and blah blah blah).Poor Uncle Scrooge!

All thanks to DD-1 for diverting my mind. During those days (class IV or V) it featured one serial called ‘Aarohan’ which had Pallavi Joshi as a Navy cadet. I followed it strictly. Her ‘Washing powder Nirma’ washed ultra white uniform, smart looks, never-give-up attitude and stern patriotism intrigued me to be like her. The blue waters and the mighty ships were no less captivating. Opposite to Pallavi was a handsome hunk who was an air force pilot. He was so damn cute.His eyes, OMG what brilliance they had.Ummn…but soon the series ended. Studies began. My childhood fascination was thrown into a deep slumber. Slowly and steadily I forgot him, I mean Pallavi joshi…ehh…I mean ‘navy-mania’. The only thing I remembered then was that chemical formula of water is H2O.Whatever!

The intelligent me soon realized that I had to earn enough money(something like 30 thousand 40 crores 25 arabs 19 thousand 2 hundred 63 billions and 55 rupees :P) to meet all basic necessities of life- roti,kapda aur makan internet, shopping and bank balance. Nonetheless the frequency and range of my ‘Dream jobs’ was apparently quite high. It varied from tourist guide to bank manager, from pilot to interior designer and from astronaut to astrologer. It kept changing and changing until I landed on the highly overrated ‘High school’ landmark. At this stage I don’t know from when, where and how I came to know that I have to be an Engineer IITian and should struggle hard for the same in 10+2. But,in vain.(No,no regrets today!!)

As to this date,  I’m on the verge of being graduated as a “Bachelor of Technology’( a non-IITian to be more specific),that too placed in a business firm. :D

It’s like,
‘Many’ roads diverged in a wood
I took the one ‘most’ travelled by
& Still thinking to make the ‘difference’!!.....:)

Did I told ya that my un-dear and dear ones always had a feeling that most likely I would be a doctor. I wish they knew that it takes me around half-an-hour to intake one 250mg tablet that too with a bottle of water and a packet of chips! Heha!!

So this was the whole twined transition.God bless my unstable mind.Howbeit,a happy heart is all that matters in the end,no?

~keep smiling

My Way of Life

Think Big

Do Good

Be Nice

and Relish every small Pleasure in Life.

Most prized possessions ...

                                              Unremembered acts of Kindness

                                              Unsaid Words and Unshed Tears,

                                              and an Unborn Dream

                                              are few of my most prized possessions (till date)!!

The God I believe in!!

I'm not particular about going to temples,and giving hefty charity to the trust.(Instead I would feed the poor myself.)

I'm really not bothered whether to offer flowers first or do 'tilak' of the idols in my own temple at home.

I do not believe in reading long texts before almighty (which are mostly in sanskrit ) whose meaning I don't know.

I could not always appreciate the rites and rituals ,for example killing (an animal or person) in order to propitiate a deity.

I do not believe in fasting in the name of God.(I won't mind being hungry by choice.)
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I am a Hindu on paper.But if you ask my original self my religion is none other than Humanity.

I'm as keen to visit Ajmer Sharif,Golden temple and St. Joseph Cathedral as I wanna go to Shirdi Sai dham or on Baba Amarnath yatra.For I love the charismatic,peaceful and tranquil atmosphere that prevails in all of these sites.

I love colours,and gujhiya and papad and I celebrate Holi.
I love crackers and candles and sweets and I celebrate Diwali.
I love cakes and gifts and Santa Clause and I celebrate Christmas.
I love the sight of moon and sewaiyyan (vermicilli) and I celebrate Eid.

In all,I love the God I believe in,I love HIS PEOPLE and I love MYSELF and thus I CELEBRATE LIFE which HE has gifted me.
..........................................................................................................................................
The God I believe in is personification of LOVE.

I talk to my GOD more than I actually pray.We have a very informal (& friendly) kinda relationship.HE says,I listen,I say,HE listens.

I believe I'm in HIS heart and HE is in mine.

HE never lets my HOPE extinguished and helps me go through good and bad times equally well.

HE makes me understand that there are people who are more unfortunate than me and so I should not cry (so- long)over pity things.

Till now HE has always given me what I deserve and may be a little more.

And in return HE asks me or expects me nothing.Nothing means Nothing!

It's just that I want HIM to inculcate a never-ending GOODWILL in me and and and to bless the unfortunate!

This is the GOD I believe in.....and you know.....I LOVE HIM!!



PS: Well, this is the God 'I' believe in.These are strictly my views,which I don't enforce on YOU.Neither I discard the God 'YOU' believe in.Still I feel if you share a little similar views about your God,may be OUR GOD will be happy!

My sorrows are all mine alone...

You share your happinesses with me,
I'll augment it manifold
You reel off your pain
I'll try to lessen the cold.

I'll also share my joys with you
If you do not at all mind,
but my sorrows are all mine alone
'un-said' and perhaps 'un-confined' !

My List

There are so many things we wanna do in life but could not always. The academic pressures,shortage of time,deadlines of other 'important stuffs',elders restrictions,social constrictions,circumstances,responsibilities and at times our own fear,laziness or even our mood ,prohibit us to do so.But fortunately or unfortunately we all have just one 'LIFE' to live on.

.......................... And so I'm very much keen to execute "My List" before I take my last breaths on this planet.

Here it goes............

• Do my masters 

• Get a good job

• Travel as much as possible-both India and Abroad 

      

• Learn Swimming 

• Learn  Skating

• Donate blood

• Save someone's life

• Donate my eyes

• Get one of my works published

• Write a novel

• Learn Guitar and Synthesizer

• Work and run a charity organization

• Go for Mountaineering,preferably Everest  

• Build a sandcastle

• Learn to cook some good stuff ,esp cakes n cookies 

        

• Learn German and Spanish

• Travel in a Ship

• Inspire someone to success

• Make a difference in someone's life

• Go for a week long trip with friends 

       

• Fight for a genuine social cause

• Own my own personal library 

• Read as many good books as possible

• Learn Dancing(salsa or belly dancing) 

• Sing in public 

• Have a pair of rabbits  

          

• Own a latest camera

• Do some good Photography

• Paint on canvas

• Own a Telescope 

         

• Go on an African Safari

• Practice Driving Car(which I learnt once)

• Do river rafting 

       

• Own a house of my dreams

• Have my own garden with a big fountain 

• Go to the top of Eiffel Tower 

          

• Ride on a hot air balloon

• Watch a cricket/football match in stadium

• Live in another country for atleast an year 

    

• Go for a long long drive in an open-top car

• Get married to guy of my dreams and have a happy family with him

• Leave this world a bit better      

PS: This is all I could think of now.The list is subjected to upgradation.
PS:I was a little occupied these days.But now I'll blog on a regular basis and will very soon visit you guys.

~love and prayers

Me in Wonderland

 What would life be without Daydreaming?

Eh!....Scary,isn't it?

Well ,here's 'Me in Wonderland',things  I want to do or I daydream of.

I wanna run in a beach for miles and miles  towards the evanescing sun. I wanna sit at the top of a tall tower late at night for some unknown hours  and continuously eyeshot the aura of twinkling species. I wanna dance in a garden when it’s quietly raining to the beats of some endless music with no one looking around. I wanna walk for hours and hours ,on a cloudy day, in a an endless road  surrounded by the red maple trees on both the sides  and the wind blowing softly and a flute being played in the background (I would not mind , flowers falling on to me as I take my every step forth. :P) .I wanna travel round the whole world, whole world- and appreciate the exquisite creativity of not man less but of God more and capture all in my camera. I wanna climb the Everest atleast once. I wanna do river-rafting in Pacific Ocean round the earth. I wanna sit by the side of a beautiful river in an unknown country and play my guitar. I wanna drive a bike (yeah bike)on a National Highway  at some 100km/hr (with no trucks and cars around) in the midnight. I wanna write a book someday(not a textbook for sure) ,hopefully an international-best-sellar(:P). I wanna rob a bakery shop once(:P)- cakes, pastries and chocolates are ever-so-tempting to me. I wanna shout my name aloud at the dead of the night and hear the echo back.
.............................................................................................................................And the list goes on.

I doubt if even one of these will come true. Yet ‘DREAMING’ alone is BEAUTIFUL. Life is not only facing the REALITY which is at times harsh and bitter but it is also FANTASIZING about the things that you dream of. Some colors exist in dreams that are not present in the waking spectrum. They add to our LIFE ,they make us SMILE, they make us INFINITE and somehow kindle us with HOPE and that MATTERS A LOT!

~love and prayers

Rains,I'm loving it!

It's Sunday and it's eventide.The road is wet,the sky is grey,garden more green and ambience more clean .Yep ,It rained an hour before.Quiet,cozy gentle rain. The balmy breeze blew across the body and exhilirated my soul .Had a walk on the terrace.Got drenched completely.It was refreshing as never before after the fiery heat.AWESOME! Adding to it, the smell of the earth.Truly Divine.

It's  drizzling .The rhythm of the dripping pearls is soo  pleasant and penetrating.I had  plate-full of pakodis(obviously prepared by mom :P) and a hot hot cup of  adrak ki chai (hehe..made by me :D) ,Ah! My favourite tracks in the background and me having a nice conversation with my family.Perfectly PERFECT.I'm loving it all.It is these small little moments that maketh the LIFE.

Thank you God! I'm HAPPY(Do I always need a reason to be so?).

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I'm singin' in the rain,                                          

Just singin' in the rain,
What a glorious feeling,
I'm happy again!
I'm laughing at clouds,
So dark, up above,
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love.
Let the stormy clouds chase
Ev'ryone from the place,
Come on with the rain,
I've a smile on my face. :)

~love and prayers

A Letter to God

Dearest God,

I thank You here for all of Your abundant blessings. For sharing with me all the good in this world, for all the joys in my life. For leading me through trials and fears , for showing me the light even in times of great darkness. For giving me strength to come this far, for all of this and much more, I THANK YOU,GOD.

Entangled in the threads of time I own loads of reminiscences to cherish forever and a few very happy moments that will always linger in the immortal part of my memory.Most importantly I do not have any regrets from the past and I'm hopeful enough for the future.And all this makes my present even happier. I'm HAPPY.

There had been spells when I was in low spirits too but thank you Lord for developing in me the understanding that there are people who need your blessings more than I do.I'm saddened heart and soul when I espy crestfallen,unfortunate and distressed faces in the milieu with those "WHY ME?" expressions.I know you strive to make all happy.I also want to volunteer you along.

If I were...

If I were a month, I’d be February. 

If I were a day of the week, I’d be Wednesday.

If I were a time of day, I’d be 1.27 AM.

If I were a season, 

I'd be Autumn.

If I were a direction, I’d be East.

If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a Revolving chair.

If I were a planet,

 I'd be Neptune.

If I were an animal, I’d be  Sparrow.

If I were a liquid, I’d be Tea.

If I were a tree, 

I’d be a Red Maple tree.
 

If I were an element, I’d be water.

If I were a tool, I’d be screw driver.

If I were a flower, 

I’d be a White Lily.

If I were a gemstone, I’d be Aquamarine.

If I were a kind of weather, I’d be a soft breeze at night.

If I were a musical instrument,

I’d be a Guitar.

If I were a color, I’d be Blue.

If I were an emotion, I’d be Hope.

If I were a fruit, I’d be  Mango.

If I were a sound, 

I’d be pattering of rain drops .

If I were a material, I’d be silk.

If I were a scent, I’d choose smell of earth after rain.

If I were an object,

I’d be a bunch of balloons.

If I were a food, I’d be delicious Ice cream sundae.
  

If I were a song, I’d be jab koi baat bigad jaaye...

If I were a body part, 

I’d be the Eyes.

If I were a taste, I’d be sweet.

If I were a place, I’d be Home sweet Home.

If I were a facial expression,

I’d be a smile.

 Ever wondered, If you were?????


~stay blessed...:)